The Art of Loving, The five Languages of Love, Gentlewoman, The Love Manual, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man…Admit it ladies, doubtless you own a few of these books (if not all).
You’ve added countless of other relationship books to your reading list, analyzed articles, scrutinized research studies and even invested in seminars hosted by international speakers ‘teaching’ you; how to become #Wifey aka #Queen i.e. how to make it to the number ONE spot in a man’s life. #Sigh
However, instead of suggesting you read yet another bestselling book about love and relationships, Melanmag.com is bringing it to you straight from the horse’s (so to speak) mouth. In recognition of Valentine’s Day, we are playing cupid and have asked 12 fine brothers, some single, others not, to give us the inside scoop: “How I knew she was #TheOne”
Nii Odartei Evans Actor, Voiceover Artist and Writer (Married)
I still and will always remember the first time I saw her 17 years ago. She was wearing a red off-the-shoulder jumper and I was simply captivated by the way her skin glowed even in the dark and dingy club. There was a power and energy that I was immediately drawn to.
I eventually got to know her, love her, marry her and of course have kids with her.
I remember early on in our relationship I told her that that I wanted to act, her response was to write and direct a play and cast me in it. She proved to be my biggest supporter, purposefully nurturing me and I knew then, that even at my worst, and even at my lowest I would have someone who would always want to see me happy and winning.
David McQueen, Managing Director of Narratively Ltd (Married)
Whilst I hesitate to use terms like ‘the one’, I definitely know that my wife ticks the box for me. Her energy and zest for life are a great complement to me. I love her loud laugh, the way she gets straight to the point. I love the way I can still make her smile and blush after 28 years of being together.
Before we got married we had six months of pre-marriage counselling which helped us greatly to improve and work hard on our communication. We have had our ups and downs just like anyone else, yet our commitment to putting our friendship first continues to keep us going. I truly love being in her presence, even when she pisses me off, and again, whilst I am not a person who tends to lean towards the phrase ‘the one’, I do believe she is the one for me.
Melvin Odoom, Actor, DJ and Presenter Kiss FM (Single)
Perhaps being single, isn’t exactly the best position to be in to speak about ‘the one’ but I do believe my past experiences, the good and the bad, have influenced my expectations of ‘the-one-to-be’.
I’m THAT single friend, who’s always on the receiving end of a loving lecture from friends who are ready to see me settle down. Admittedly, in the past, work has been my focus and it was important that I built my career as I’ve always wanted to bring as much as possible to the table in my relationships.
I’ve been blessed to meet some amazing people and recognise some of the qualities and attributes that I would value in the ‘potential one’. She’d have to be adventurous, passionate, motivated and willing to let me sweep her of her feet #chivalryain’tdead. I’d want to be drawn into her presence, not in an aesthetic way but in an energetic way. I want to feel her in a room before I even see her. My approach would be bold confident and yet she’d hold my interest with a returned cheeky sense of humour, charming nature, bold personality, passionate spirit and a wild sense of adventure.
‘The one’ will be constructively challenging, requiring my A-game at all times but she’d also believe in me which would allow me to relax because with her, nothing else would even matter.
Yes, I’m a full blown romantic and I’m also a strong believer that you end up with the one you’re meant to be with. Until she arrives, I’m comfortable with where I am.
Julian ‘The Ultrapreneur’ Hall, CEO of Ultra Education (Married)
She believed in me from day one, but not just with words. When it came down to supporting my vision she did everything I needed. She let me succeed, she let me fail… believing I would succeed again. She helped me grow into the man I am today. She looked after me and provided me with the comfort I needed in her own little ways.
Being a gifted cook helps! They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach and they’re not wrong. My wife would meet me at my car, with a wrapped plate of cooked food for the next day, just before we went out on our date. How can you NOT marry a woman like that? But the day, I really identified that she was ‘the one’, was when she was asleep with her head scarf on and she still looked like an angel straight outta heaven, effortlessly and naturally beautiful.
Tony Douglas, Talent Manager @TonyDouglasVIP/ Columnist at the Voice Newspaper (Single)
My teenage crush used to be a cross between Megan Good and Lisa Raye. I still like them, but tend to lean towards a more natural look these days. But what I actually desire in ‘the one’ is a caring and affectionate nature, an independent woman who could make me laugh. She would need to understand that I have children and they’re my priority and ideally she would have her own as I don’t plan to have anymore.
Confidence and security would also be important as my occupation can unfortunately come with baggage that isn’t always easy to deal with. She’d need to be able to socialize in a variety of different circles and be comfortable anywhere from a Trap concert to a Ballet production. A passion for travel and the ability to travel frequently would also be a great asset.
Kevin George, Behavioural Consultant (Married)
Initially, I was attracted to my wife’s beauty however I quickly became enthralled with everything about her. Our initial dates were informal and great fun, we simply enjoyed meeting up and doing nothing. No cinema, no dinner…. Nothing. Yet we had the best time ever, properly getting to know each other. I thought to myself, ‘if I can have a great time doing nothing with this woman, I can have a great time doing everything with this woman’.
One day, I became conscious of the fact that I always wanted to share my time with her. I turned to her and said “do you realize that we’ve spent every day together?”, the question was more of a statement which made me smile. For someone who was previously selfish with my time, this was a pivotal moment for me.
I love the fact that she is real, no fronting, independent, selfless and so damn fooinnnnnneeee!
Leon Mayne, Screenwriter and Producer (In a Relationship)
I wouldn’t have been where I am today without a positive support circle, and in that circle the greatest source of inspiration and growth comes from my better half. She’s an amazing woman who mentally stimulates me; intelligent, thoughtful, a kind soul with a wicked sense of humour. It’s great to be with someone you can just kick back and have long conversations with, shutting out first world problems. Her standout feature is her selflessness, ever since I’ve known her she’s always been there for others and concerns herself with the well-being of her nearest and dearest; so it was a pleasure for me to help her pursue her dream of teaching abroad, so that she could do something for herself for a change.
I knew she was the one because she brought me out of my shell and made me a better person. I think that’s the major key in relationships, being able to forward each other on every level in life.
Sebastian Thiel, Director of Upshot Entertainment / Filmmaker, (Engaged)
Initially, I was blind to the fact that she could be ‘the one’ because we were such good friends. It took one of my boys to push me more than once for me to think about it. I was definitely being long. When I finally realised how synced our values and aims in the world were, I knew it would be rare to find another person like this, so we started seeing each other and here we are seven years later, engaged and planning our future together.
What attracted me to my partner, was beyond physical – she’s beautiful. But that’s such a small part. I loved how much she stood out for being her. She’s funny, like really funny, extremely talented, driven, is emotionally intelligent and lives her life with purpose. She challenges me to grow, which is something I hated at the time, but always love when looking back. She is independent, strong minded and we don’t have any problems with trust.
My fiancé has always been herself, good or bad. That level of truth is rare to come across. By being her unfiltered authentic self, she has found someone who loves her for exactly who she is.
Charles Rare, Wellbeing Management Consultant/Co-Founder of SubjectivityUK (Committed in Heart)
I didn’t know she was the one until she was the one! There have been many women who I believed to be the one but just because you see them that way doesn’t mean the feelings are mutual. Some people have a hard time synchronizing their actions with their feelings. But not her. One simple act separated her from all others. I dropped her home after our first meet up and she spoke the words, “so what are you doing on Wednesday?”. This might not seem like much but as a man, you’re usually subjected to arranging the next date; your actions under constant observation to measure the capacity of your masculinity. With her, I needn’t feel the pressure to live up to societies pressures of what it means to be a man. That gave me the space to be me which has made me more of a man than I’ve ever been. She is the one that sprinkled salt on my growth.
Jesus Mendoza, Barber (Engaged)
I think one of the most important qualities that attracted me to my fiancé was her mind. I like someone that can show and teach me new things. She is very opinionated and strong minded about life and how she looks at it. I also admire her mothering skills. It took almost six months of dating before I met her children. I respect that she’s driven to protect the ones she loves and cares for. Since we been together it’s been a learning process and she has become more than just my fiancé, she’s my best friend and my motivation. I wake up wanting to give and do more for her and I love that she makes me feel that way. With her by my side, I am more responsible and accountable and embrace my role as a provider, lover and as a man. I am still ‘me’ but better because of her.
Pierre Henry Fontaine, Care Manager, Athlete Mentor and Sports Coach (Married)
On our first date, I picked her up a little embarrassed because I wasn’t driving the latest Mercedes. As she got in my car, I apologized for my banger and she looked at me in disbelief and asked me “does this car get you from A to B?”, her response instantly showed me that she valued me for me and my material possessions didn’t factor in the slightest. A number of similar experiences validated my thoughts.
My wife is my best friend. She brings balance and harmony in my life and I am proud that I do the same for her. It’s amazing having a woman that supports my visions, will pull me up when I need motivation and ride with me till the wheels fall off. She loves me from the deepest part of her and sometimes I feel that she loves me more than I love myself. I love that she is so committed to our marriage and she is
dedicated to her own personal growth and our growth as a couple. I love her goal getting energy, the way she loves people and her genuine spirit – she honours the King in me and she really is my Queen!
Steve Whyte, 12x Author and Inspirational Speaker (Married)
Attraction isn’t final. My initial attraction many, many years ago didn’t stop and wasn’t complete in itself at that very moment. Her caramel skin, her beautiful eyes, her soft skin; all impressive as stand-alones, but something much deeper was happening upon us connecting. Her beauty went more than skin deep. The eyes of her heart gave me insight and let me know from inside out that she was the ONE. Her soft skin was a reflection of the condition of her inner being and her mental furnishings were aligned with mine.
Attraction isn’t final. I’ll say it again, as it’s important to be still enough to take time to appreciate how we grow deeper in love. Trials, challenges, and experiences all bring to the surface more and more qualities of attraction. Her character and the consistency of it, solidifies an assurance in my heart that a glance of an initial attraction cannot accomplish. I love the God in her, as all of His fruits are evident in her life. From her compassion, care, grace, dedication as a wife and mother, hard work, faith and ultimately her love. I love her Spirit because there are levels to this.