If I asked you to name a famous cougar, many of you could reel off a number of household names, high up on the list would likely be 58-year old Madonna.

Whether you love her as musician/fashion icon or not, many women publicly or secretly admire her for unashamedly going after what she wants, even when her choice of boyfriend is a man young enough to be her son. Did she go too far when she started dating 26-year old dancer Timor Steffens, in 2014… ‘30 years her junior’, we’ll leave you to make up your mind! Madonna is our girl!…Well, she was until we heard rumours about her kissing OUR dream man Idris Elba (44) at a party in London recently!

But seriously ladies, what is so bad about romancing a younger man? So what if he was in nappies, when you were going through the delights of puberty? For those of us living in the western world, we’re thankfully way past the novelty of interracial relationships yet the idea of publicly dating a younger man seems to remain taboo…

Men have been engaging in relationships with younger women for decades, even sadly taking things to extremes in some parts of the world #ChildBrides yet black women continue to tip toe around the subject of dating a younger man.


I spoke to my dad about dating younger and he simply said it wasn’t the norm although it wasn’t against the law in Ghana, however his tribe, the Ga’s do not really support it. I took my research to a female elder and her response was; “So, you are going to breastfeed your younger brother”* said in a thick Ghanaian accent*…My response: “Huh”?…Her response: “You are going to be dating down”? #DoubleHuh ….

It is reassuring to see several women of colour subscribing to the ethos “age aint nothing but a number” and dating younger men, from Tina Turner, Halle Berry, Gabrielle Union, and Vivica Fox… Even I can claim to be a member of this exclusive club, I’m happy to admit that I too once dated a man who was six years younger than me #CougarClottey.

For the secretly curious women who are pretending that this subject matter is of no interest to them (yet have continued to read to this point with a cup of tea and digestive biscuits in hand), here is a little list that I have put together on the Pros and Cons of dating a younger man.

The Pros and Cons of dating a younger man - pictured celebrities that do or have
Dwyane Wade & Gabrielle Union

The Pros:

  • HE tends to be more confident, whether it’s the bravado or the false assumption that HE has to assert himself with you. HE will make sure you know that his age does not make him less of a man and his actions will strive to prove it
  • HE tends to display heightened emotional intelligence and communicates his feelings clearly and with ease
  • HE appreciates the way you look after him and isn’t afraid to show you off to all his friends
  • HE is up for anything, keen to learn and is generally enthusiastic about life
  • HE does his research and is guaranteed to teach you something, trust me ladies HE will make sure that you recognize the value he adds to your life

All sounds like a dream right? Well there isn’t a rainbow without rain…

The Cons:

  • HE sometimes misinterprets your opinions based on experience as a critique against his and will sometimes unnecessarily be defensive during a discussion/debate #PowerStruggle
  • HE has a tendency to get straight to the point about his feelings or observations and this can sometimes come across as curt
  • HE communicates so well that if he thinks you’ve put on a bit of weight, he will tell you straight ‘babe, you need to hit the gym, like yesterday’…#Ouch
  • IF HE is angry or sad, you will know about it! HE tends to be reactive, validating the saying ‘throwing your toys out of the pram’
  • HE may cockily assume that he can keep up with you #stamina but for most ladies aged 30+ we are just about getting started…#PrimeTime

Ladies, the younger man can be a viable option for you. Don’t dismiss his childlike humor, free spirit and spontaneous nature. Many younger men are seriously interested in committing to an older woman and building a future with her.

Younger men continue to reiterate that they are attracted to older women because of their confidence, ability to handle life with or without a man and FUN nature. And as cultures evolve and social norms are modified over time, older women dating younger men will doubtless become less taboo, meaning more options for you! So no excuses, be like Stella, and get your groove back!

Ladies, just make sure he is legal *wink*

 Copyright/Image Credit (- All Images): 123RF Stock Photo.


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