We’re enough! We’re wonderfully and beautifully made and in this article, our life coach, Madeline McQueen, reminds us that we don’t need to validate ourselves through other people.
We humans are a bit messed up. It’s true. I say this because when we are on that self-development journey and in the world of positive thinking we refuse to look at or even admit that we have behaviours that are not so great. In this article, I’m going to shine a light on one of these areas of our personalities that we like to skip over.
We, as people, are self-focused. It’s not that we don’t care for others or that we don’t attempt to do things selflessly, but there is an inherent need to be seen, know, heard and appreciated. We are all looking for acceptance in some form or another.
I remember going to an event as an attendee and I went to one of the many workshops available which was about confidence and embracing your inner power. The lady who ran it came from a well-known drama school and worked at the highest levels delivering her training and coaching. She was awesome. But! Yep, big but! I came into the workshop around five minutes in and knew in an instant that I already knew much of what she was speaking about and demonstrating. It was an experiential workshop, very well delivered and the quiet confidence and power that the facilitator exuded was wonderful.
But what did I do? I got to the end of the session and let her know how great it was, but, then I felt the need to validate myself. I told her that I’m married to a speaker and that 70-80% of what she taught I knew already… but, that it was a good reminder. WHY?? Why did I feel the need to do that?
It’s like those times when someone says that they met someone, read a book, had an experience or went to a specific place. What do you do? You tell them all that you know about who they met, the book they read the experience they had or the place that they went to. You tell them the back story of this and completely take over the conversation!
Many of us are guilty of this and in all honesty, we are mostly unaware that we do this, protesting that “It’s not us, it’s not who we are”… unfortunately, it is.
This need for validation crops up all over the place and it usually happens when we are not doing what we should be doing, not achieving what we know we could achieve, it happens when we’ve lost our way.
My reminder to you and myself is “the only validation that we need is our own.” We don’t need it from other people and when we do get it from them we should just be gracious about it, not make it our focus and move on.
It’s our job to build our confidence, self-worth and validation – we can’t depend on anyone else to do this for us, because everyone else is having the same struggle and because as I’ve said before we need to be our own hero.
Next time someone tells you something and you know the back story, about the book or the person, the place or whatever else, please just let the other person speak. Let them take centre stage in their own story and don’t usurp them. A little “Oh yes, I know that (book, person, place, etc,)” is more than enough. Remember you don’t need to validate yourself in their story. You can just use it as an opportunity to pour into yourself as you recognise your wide network, reading, experiences and/or knowledge – silently!
“Remember you don’t need to validate yourself in their story. You can just use it as an opportunity to pour into yourself as you recognise your wide network, reading, experiences and/or knowledge – silently!”
It’s time to stop trying to validate ourselves through other people, it’s time to accept ourselves where we are and work on where we want to be. Be authentically you, because you are valuable!