Monogamy is something you choose every day in a relationship. It’s not something that just happens when you marry or commit to someone and instead, like every aspect of commitment, it’s a fulltime job.
Infidelity is notoriously one of the many reasons that relationships can break down and sometimes it is possible to get back up from it, but often it’s not.
Women are not victims on this topic and are just as guilty of having affairs as men, but in this article, we’re going to investigate why some women decide to stay with their unfaithful men and investigate if it’s ever okay to do so.
Last month, rapper Jay-Z, married to Beyoncé, gave a very candid interview on CNN about why he chose to stay and fight for his marriage to the superstar after being unfaithful and admitting to it following accusations. With three children together, the Crazy in Love singer made the decision to stay with her husband; a decision which he deeply appreciates.
Jay-Z says in the interview: “You have to acknowledge the pain. You have to work through it. It’s difficult to listen to that sort of pain.” This would no doubt be a difficult in any normal relationship but a relationship in the spotlight must be so much worse. With added pressure of public opinion and pressing paparazzi, it’s easy to forget that celebrity couples are people too. Jay Z is adamant, “We were never a celebrity couple. We’re a couple who happen to be celebrities.” Regardless of whether Beyoncé should have taken Jay Z back or not, it raises important subject matter for women going through the same sort of hurt and are wondering if it’s possible to forgive.
Affairs are usually deeper than just sex
The act of infidelity is often not the sole problem when it comes to affairs. Although it depends on the type of affair, whether there is emotional involvement or not with the man and the other woman, it makes no difference to the fact that the root cause is most likely deeper.
According to GQ magazine, men often cheat because they have low self-esteem or there is something lacking in their existing relationship. The way not to go about solving either of those problems is breaking the trust of someone you love but it is a clear indicator that the act of cheating is very often not the deal-breaker when it comes to whether you stay or go.
A man who cheats because he has low self-esteem means you could have done nothing about it as it is his responsibility to either be honest with you or work hard on building his confidence for himself. The moral of the story here is that affairs show deep-rooted problems and are often the last straw of a long line of ongoing issues.
It IS possible to repair a relationship after infidelity
The thing that hurts the most in a betrayal is similar to the feeling of grieving for the death of a loved one. In one sense, you have lost the person you thought you knew and therefore it’s difficult to accept and take in. Another thing that hurts a lot is the ego. Your mind will probably torture yourself with thoughts of the other woman; what she looks like and what she has that you don’t. The best thing to do if you find yourself in this situation is to stop being unkind to yourself. You are a whole and important person with or without your other half so knowing what the other woman looks like has no bearing on your life. Be aware that a lot of the pain is your ego and this pain is unhelpful, attacks you and is not on your side.
Taking these two points into consideration, It is possible in some cases, to repair a relationship after infidelity. After some time to think and assess the nature of the affair and the magnitude of the apology, starting fresh is not always a bad thing. Where some people might tell you that you’d lose all self-respect by staying, it’s not always true.
Not forgiving purely on the grounds of your hurt ego is disrespectful to yourself and doesn’t give you any chance to make things better and forgive. All people are capable of change and you’ll know in your heart whether your partner is being sincere. You’ll need to take a lot of time to rebuild a new and different relationship with your partner and time really is the healer in this scenario.
When is enough, enough?
Although sometimes relationships can work after cheating, sometimes they also can’t. If it’s happened on multiple occasions, if their apologies don’t seem to mean anything or if you’ve given them chances and they haven’t changed, it is not a positive thing to hold onto. You may still be in love with your partner but not being able to trust them means the relationship you have, lacks fundamental necessities. You are responsible for your own happiness so knowing when to call it a day will be the best thing for you. Listen to family and friends whose opinions you trust and know that sometimes, it is better to move on alone.
What are your thoughts on the topic of infidelity? Leave us a comment down below or get in touch.